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Picking the Right Toy

Picking a toy can be intimidating!
But it doesn’t have to be.
Let’s talk about picking the right toy.


When choosing a dildo, you should probably start with something smooth and on the smaller end of the spectrum. As you begin to understand your likes and preferences you can try something larger or with more texture.  If you are looking for g-spot or prostate stimulation, a more pronounced curve would probably fit the bill.


Let’s start with the averages.  The average human male penis is about 5.5 inches long – some are longer, some are shorter.  But that’s the average, so keep that in mind.  If you are looking for something that is more realistic, then the 5-6″ range is more appropriate.   Some folks prefer a longer dildo, but realize that you can only go so deep depending on your anatomy.  An 8″ peg in a 6″ hole means that 2″ is going unused!


Girth. Thickness. Diameter. All words for the same thing.

Again, let’s start with an average for a starting point – the average human male is about 1.5″ in diameter.  So that should probably be our starting point.  Folks often prefer a bit more girth over a bit more length due to way their anatomy works.

Girth is a bit more flexible than length, but probably more important.   A softer silicone means that you can go a little thicker as the silicone will allow for a bit of “squish”.

(Girth is sometimes measured in circumference as well. The average male diameter of 1.5″ equals 4.7″ in circumference.)

Flexibility (Firmness)

Silicone is an awesome material for sex toys for several reasons, not the least of which is the variability of the firmness! But, all these variations can also be a source of confusion.

  • Super-soft silicone is quite floppy and great for “packers”. Very squishy and very flexible – kind of like an unflexed muscle.
  • Soft silicone has a lot of “squish” to it but holds its shape.  If you need a bit of squish for comfort or more flexibility, this can be a good option.
  • Medium silicone is close to the firmness of a flexed muscle – a bit of squish and a little flexibility but quite solid.
  • Firm silicone is close to the firmness of a fully erect penis.  Not much squish, and little or no flexibility.
  • Super-firm silicone is extremely firm.  Almost no squish, and almost no flexibility.

Bases and O-rings

If you will be using a toy in a harness as a strap-on, a flared base or some kind of attachment is required.   Most harnesses have an o-ring that you can slide your toy through to be held firmly in place.

If you are using a toy solo but anally then you should also be considering a toy with a base.   Without a flared base, your toy can end up in places you don’t want it!

The rectum has a tendency to instinctively pull things in.  Without a flared base, you could end up with a toy completely inserted and find it nearly impossible to remove.   No one wants to end up in the emergency room or the doctor’s office having to explain exactly where your toy ended up and that you need help getting it out!